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  • Lara Inderst

Becoming Attached


Attachment… the meaning? Attachment refers to a deep and enduring emotional bond that connects one person to another across time and space. But what is the fear of it?


A typical human feeling, especially in the context of romantic relationships, is the dread of becoming attached, the worry that if one puts too much of oneself into a relationship, one will be left vulnerable and heartbroken if it does not work out. This dread may be a normal reaction to past rejection or loss experiences, or it may be motivated by insecurity or worry. Some people's fear of connection can be so severe that they completely refuse romantic relationships. Although they may experience loneliness or isolation, they feel like they cannot risk becoming attached to another person because of their intense fear of being injured emotionally. However, human connection is a basic need, therefore living this way can become highly isolating and challenging.


Other manifestations of the fear of attachment include a fear of success or a dread of failure. There is always a chance of disappointment or failure when we become emotionally invested in a goal or an outcome. This can result in a fear of even attempting something, out of the worry of being let down or not getting the desired result.


According to attachment theory, there are four ways in which people deal with attachment issues. These are the four “attachment types”, one of which is as mentioned already – “fearful”. The results of this type of attachment failure are self-sabotage, isolation and unpredictability.


Another similar attachment type is “preoccupied”. This manifests as not believing in what you can achieve or not going all-out in a relationship, experiencing different degrees of anxiety, and being confused about why you can’t be fully committed. It can feel like being trapped in a sort of claustrophobic box surrounding one’s mind, not knowing what to do – being anxious, self-doubting and sensitive.


The third attachment type is “dismissive”. Realizing that you’re afraid of attachment is hard. There is a certain coping mechanism that people sometimes experience. It involves pretending to not care about it and pushing it away as far as you can- this means being distant, self-reliant and avoidant.


The fourth way of reacting to attachment issues is positive- being “secure”. People displaying this type of attachment are self-assured instead of self-reliant, direct instead of avoidant and responsive instead of isolated.


The process of getting over a fear of connection can be challenging and continual. It necessitates a readiness to be open to danger and vulnerability, despite the possibility of suffering harm or disappointment.


Mindfulness and self-awareness exercises can help you get over this fear. We can start to comprehend the underlying causes of our fear and take steps to alleviate them by increasing our awareness of our thoughts and feelings. The development of trusting and secure connections is another strategy for overcoming the fear of attachment. Setting boundaries, being upfront and honest with others, and surrounding oneself with encouraging and caring individuals can all help one achieve this.


In conclusion, it can be very difficult to get over the fear of connection, which is a common experience. It necessitates a readiness to be open to danger and vulnerability, despite the possibility of suffering harm or disappointment. It is possible to get over this anxiety and lead a life full of meaningful connections and relationships by engaging in mindfulness and self-awareness practises, developing healthy relationships, and fostering a sense of trust and security.

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